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| It's been an awesome relaxing weekend thus far. It's been nice not having my room mate in the room, for a change, as she's in the room all the time and I can't seem to have some quality alone time. I watched a couple of movies ("Patriot Games" and "Francis"), which were from the library. I do have to say that "Francis" was a good yet depressing movie, about Francis Farmer's life and some of the crazy things that happened to her while in the psychiatric hospitals. It was nuts that her mom wanted to have total control over her life, wanting her to still become a movie actress despite her really hating that career. Then at the end she got a lobotomy, which are hardly ever used in the hospitals today. It was really sad to someone who was once very vibrant and loved telling jokes become an emotionally flat, almost glazed over. Some of the psychiatric hospitals were really a joke back in the day, as many of them didn't really know what to do with the patients besides giving them drugs and not understanding the reason why they acted that way. Some of the psychiatric hospitals around the world are still a little like that, with some hospitals in Turkey restraining mentally disabled children who are prone to self-injury to cribs and literally taping plastic jars around their hands. That same hospital was also using electric shock on individuals as a punishment on depressed individuals because they thought that they needed to feel as if they had to be punished (I saw it on YouTube once; you could probably look it up at some point if you want). As a psychology major it's really interesting to look at the past and compare it to some of the psychological treatments that they have now, which are nowhere near as deficient as they were back in the 40s. It's also my birthday tomorrow, my 21st birthday to be exact. It kind of sucks that I can't drink because I'm currently in Track season. My school has strict rules on athletes drinking alcohol, even if they are of age. It's also probably because of the fact that we're in the Division III of the NCAA. I don't know what the other divisions' rules are pertaining to alcohol consumption, but I think it's interesting that a lot of the college football games are sponsored by Bud Light. I'm not sure if even NCAA Division I is allowed to consume alcohol. I'll probably have enough time to drink a little in my life. My sister and I, before she left for her school in Texas, did make butterbeer from Harry Potter, which tasted amazing, depending on the recipe that you use. If anyone has any recommendations of alcoholic drinks for me to try after Track season as an early drinker, let me know. After reading Lynn's blog about beer, I think it would be really interesting to try. Maybe I could even go wine tasting later, or go to a beer garden after a big race. Some say that beer is good for recovery after high aerobic activity :) | | |
| It's Friday the 13th! It's pretty cool; I like number patterns (if you see me looking at my watch a lot, that's part of the reason why lol). In my hometown, there was (and still is) this one following called Ramtha School of Enlightenment, and basically she claims to channel an ancient spirit and she teaches people to heal and 'enlighten' themselves. I think that the funniest part was that on Friday the 13th (at least from what I was told) they have to hide in some kind of shelter for fear that Mt. Rainier would blow up, and all of these lizards would blast out of the volcano and start attacking or taking over. I'm not exactly sure of the full extent of the story, but that's what I was told. I know that there were a lot of followers in high school (a lot of teachers). One of them was a substitute teacher, and, in my sister's class, she freaked out because of someone who was wearing a lizard shirt and was drinking a Sobe. It's a pretty interesting religion. Anyways, classes are going fairly good thus far. I have exams for both my Abnormal Psyc. class and my Biology class. My Biology class is probably the most I've ever had to study for a class, ranking close to my Statistics class. A lot of the people in the class are struggling. I got an above-average score on my first exam, and on my second exam I got a horrible score that was quite a few points below average, and now comes the third. I think I was slightly over-confident on my second exam. I studied for it, but it apparently was not enough. I've been studying a lot more for this third exam, and I've been doing my best on assignments. My labs have been going great; they're easy and pretty fun. I'm doing very well in my Abnormal Psyc. class. I'm probably going to pull out with an 'A', the first solid 'A' I'll recieve in an upper-level class other than music. Actually, I got an 'A-' in my Developmental Psyc. class, but it wasn't a solid 'A'. I've gotten 'Bs' in all of my other ones. It feels pretty good. My GPA is a bit low, however, because I've been taking all these science and math courses because I want to get a Bachelor of Science. I think it may increase my chances of getting into graduate school, and possibly leave a few more doors open (e.g. if I found that I wanted to go into research later). It's also very interesting. I find a lot of the science material interesting. I've never really found a class boring; maybe that's how I've gotten through these tough classes, with making it interesting, toughing it out, and persisting. I'm also going to get an Asperger's support group started in the next couple of weeks. All I need are the rest of the signatures for the charter members, and to meet with the Clubs and Organizations office. I hope it works out. Wish me luck for the upcoming weeks! | | |
| It feels kind of weird that it's been exactly a year since my old friend Lexie decided to break up with me, or whatever it was called. I've been thinking about it off and on. It was such a huge barrier in my life a year ago. I was frustrated and confused to the point where I had to seek out counseling. I've gotten a lot farther, though. I'm not extremely stuck on those times anymore. I think that having a break from school, commercial fishing, and from Lexie helped tremendously. I sometimes wonder how Lexie is doing? Is she better off away from home? Did she need a break from things like I did? How has she changed now that she is graduated from college, in the big, rough, beautiful world? I've also been thinking more about what it's going to be like after college. What job will I have? Will I be accepted into a graduate school program? What friends will I have? I'm going to miss my friends that I made here at PLU. It's going to seem so weird, and seem so difficult, not to have them anymore. It's not as if they won't be my friends, it's just that I'll have to start over again. It's been hard with friendships in my life. It sucks when I move far away from something and having to start all over again. I don't mind location, it's just that it's been so hard for me in the past to make friends. I keep trying to reassure myself that if I made it this far in college that I'll be able to find a place for myself in the real world. I'll just have to try and have faith in myself, to take a stab at things even if part of me thinks I'll fail. It's like I did (and am doing) in college. It's hard, but it will work out. I've also been feeling a lot more organized lately. I think my SSRIs have had a positive effect somewhat. Sometimes I still feel a bit obsessive and a bit anxious, but I think they've been helping somewhat. I think I might have to change my dosage. I also read something that was posted this summer, about how SSRIs don't work well for people with autistic spectrum disorders. Maybe I could bring it up to my counselor or doctor. It's also amazing how much I've grown since I first came in as a freshman. I would have never imagined that I'd be this competent, this likable, and this independent. I was always wondering how everyone who was in my place as an upperclassman made it that far. I think it's the persistence that gets people this far. Even if they hate dealing with financial things (as I do...of course I don't think hardly anybody does), they could still make it. It's been hard having to scrape every last penny, but it's sure been worth it. I hope that this year goes a million times better than last year. I'll try to make it all count, as I won't be able to do anything like this again in my entire life. Maybe this will also mean that when I get out I could move on to better things. I don't think life ends after college. Rather, I think it's a beginning to a whole new world of surprises...then we'll be freshmen again.
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| The journey is still going. I'm back at school, having gone through cross country camp and the entire mess of getting back to school. I hate all the financial stuff that goes along with school, and sometimes life. I know it will be a part of life, but I don't like that part thus far. It stresses me out way too much. Sometimes I wish that our society would have a year of jubilee like the Jews had. It would make things feel nicer. One other thing is that the money system that the Jews had was based off of real trust, and not an equation that tries to predict how likely you are to pay a bill "on time". I don't know if it would work in this society, but it seems if someone could base things off of trusting the person and not the number that people would spend a little less and people could get a chance to know each other. Plus things may cost less in the long run. I'm not an expert in economics, and don't know much about it, but from my perspective it could work. It's also more of a conservative ideal, that we should be more localized. I also went to the dentist yesterday. I have to get a root canal, which is also stressing me out. I'm not afraid of the dentist, it's just the matter of paying for it. I haven't had to means to go to the dentist since I was 11 years old. I don't get why my parents didn't take us nearly as often, even though they had dental insurance. I brush my teeth well, and floss most of the time. My brothers always went to the dentist for huge cavities. Why couldn't I have gone to get a checkup or something? Now I have to pay for it on my own. It kind of makes me mad, but it has to be done. It will be ok, though. dI keep trying to remind myself that it will be ok. I probably also shouldn't think about the past. I can't do anything about it now. The past is long gone. I also lost my school ID card down an elevator shaft. What an exciting adventure that was lol. I had to get a new one, but it didn't work. I got another one, but it didn't work the second time. I had to go chasing people around until they eventually didn't know what to do. I thought I was going to have to wait until morning to get help from an adult, but somehow, after returning from Walgreens with my penicillin, my card worked! It was definitely interesting. I think interesting things will keep happening to me. It was another $20 I could have spent on other things, but it was worth the tale I suppose lol.
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| Camp has been awesome thus far. I don't know what a perfect job I could have found this summer. It seems to be a refreshing and replenishing job from last year in school. We get to spend lots of time outside, with views of Lake Coeur d' Alene. The smells of the Ponderosa Pines are nice. The people are kind. Another thing is that I get to grow a bit more in my relationship with God. I also get to run a lot more than when I was in Alaska, so I may even get better training. I haven't been getting as much mileage as I need, and I need to get more shoes. Despite these facts, it's been the best summer I've had for awhile. I also even get to lead a Discover Center once in awhile, which is basically a time for kids to do a craft or a game, while their counselors are taking a break for about an hour. The kids seemed to love the one I lead today. They made noise makers, and then we marched around camp and basically made noise. The program director loved it, and even said that it made her day. Plus another person said that a special needs kid who was in my group loved his drum, and made his day when another person made his drum and he got to march around in the parade. I thought it was an awesome day. I know that I'll be going through some tough days, but this has been a good day nonetheless. | | |
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