| | It feels kind of weird that it's been exactly a year since my old friend Lexie decided to break up with me, or whatever it was called. I've been thinking about it off and on. It was such a huge barrier in my life a year ago. I was frustrated and confused to the point where I had to seek out counseling. I've gotten a lot farther, though. I'm not extremely stuck on those times anymore. I think that having a break from school, commercial fishing, and from Lexie helped tremendously. I sometimes wonder how Lexie is doing? Is she better off away from home? Did she need a break from things like I did? How has she changed now that she is graduated from college, in the big, rough, beautiful world? I've also been thinking more about what it's going to be like after college. What job will I have? Will I be accepted into a graduate school program? What friends will I have? I'm going to miss my friends that I made here at PLU. It's going to seem so weird, and seem so difficult, not to have them anymore. It's not as if they won't be my friends, it's just that I'll have to start over again. It's been hard with friendships in my life. It sucks when I move far away from something and having to start all over again. I don't mind location, it's just that it's been so hard for me in the past to make friends. I keep trying to reassure myself that if I made it this far in college that I'll be able to find a place for myself in the real world. I'll just have to try and have faith in myself, to take a stab at things even if part of me thinks I'll fail. It's like I did (and am doing) in college. It's hard, but it will work out. I've also been feeling a lot more organized lately. I think my SSRIs have had a positive effect somewhat. Sometimes I still feel a bit obsessive and a bit anxious, but I think they've been helping somewhat. I think I might have to change my dosage. I also read something that was posted this summer, about how SSRIs don't work well for people with autistic spectrum disorders. Maybe I could bring it up to my counselor or doctor. It's also amazing how much I've grown since I first came in as a freshman. I would have never imagined that I'd be this competent, this likable, and this independent. I was always wondering how everyone who was in my place as an upperclassman made it that far. I think it's the persistence that gets people this far. Even if they hate dealing with financial things (as I do...of course I don't think hardly anybody does), they could still make it. It's been hard having to scrape every last penny, but it's sure been worth it. I hope that this year goes a million times better than last year. I'll try to make it all count, as I won't be able to do anything like this again in my entire life. Maybe this will also mean that when I get out I could move on to better things. I don't think life ends after college. Rather, I think it's a beginning to a whole new world of surprises...then we'll be freshmen again.
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| | Posted 10/13/2009 10:15 PM - 8 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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